Today will be my first Mother’s Day. Made possible only because of my sweet, precious Darcy Jane, my handsomely hilarious husband Jason, and my 3 brilliant (step) children Kinley, Karsen, and Jack. One year ago no one called me Mom. Ok so technically still no one calls me Mom – that’s besides the point . One day Darcy will call out Mama for me, and my ears and my heart yearn for that day. I already see her eyes search for me, feel her body comforted by my arms when she’s upset, see her smile and eyes light up by my voice. No one can calm her like I can. My body sustains hers. I love how much she needs me. Yet, she has no idea how much I’ve needed her. I’ve wanted to be a mom for so long that it nearly killed me inside. For years I photographed everyone’s lives developing while mine stood still. I knew my life was missing out by not being a mom, and though it’s the most exhausting title I’ve had yet, no other has ever felt so right or fulfilling. It is worth the wait. It is everything I thought it would be and more. Frustrating, draining, ugly, beautiful, rewarding, empowering. Love all encompassing.
My step children may never call me mom, but I couldn’t be more proud or happy to share my life with such incredible kids. I love them as my own, and feel deep pride for their accomplishments, happiness for their joy, sadness for their hurts and struggles, and awe of their growth. I’ve missed a lot of their youth but am here right in time to see who they are becoming. I cherish my bond with each of them, and with each it is unique; and am so grateful they allow me to have one. Not all step moms are as lucky or as loved as I am. Giving them a baby sister was my greatest gift to them, making our family even tighter. Watching their relationships and love for her, and soon hers for them, is something I will never tire of. I’m lucky to witness it. I’m lucky to be their step Mom.
Being a Mom is my favorite. But without Jason, Darcy, Kinley, Karsen or Jack – I would be no Mother. So maybe I always thought this day would be about me, but as it turns out, it’s really my celebration of them.
(Also – thank you to my Mom for being the greatest example of a Mom that a kid could ask for. You are hands down the best, and every day I strive in my own journey in Motherhood to be like you. I love you.)